Friday, July 2, 2010

What they do not tell you in books or parenting sites.

This was an article I wrote way back when Loic was still a little baby but never got published. :p


When I was pregnant with my second child, friends with baby boys would joke with me about being sprayed with pee when during a diaper change. Now that my little boy, Loïc, is more then three months old, I have to say yes, I agree. Baby boys do have a tendency to spray compared to baby girls. And I say that from the experience of having had both a baby girl and a baby boy. My little boy has sprayed me with pee once too many times. Even when I thought that I'll be clever and cover his penis with a tissue the moment I open his diaper, somehow or other, I still got squirted on occasionally. Now I am none too surprised when that happens. It still makes me laugh though, when he doused himself or when he does that amazing trick of spraying over his head without getting any on himself. That is quite the acrobatic act. I am not sure if any of our husbands would be able to attempt that feat. Not that I will encourage mine to try!

Now, being sprayed with pee is no fun but it is not that bad after all, if you consider the other alternative. Being sprayed with poo. Right. THAT is bad. The choice is simple, pee or poo, which is worse? Poo is gross if I may say so myself. And you know what? Unlike pee spray, poo spray is not sexist. No, not at all, it is not discriminatory. Baby girls do it as much as baby boys. I had the misfortune of being granted the honour of experiencing it with both my kids! What was the chance? Most parents I have spoken to never got be exposed to this particular aspect of parenting that both my babies presented to me.

The first time it happened, I was taken totally off guard. No one has ever told me that this could happen. They talk about pee spray in books, mothering website, baby forums but no one tells you to be wary of spraying poo. The only nasty poo warning is usually about explosive poo that leaks through the diaper. Well, let me tell you that dealing with the aftermath of a diaper poo explosion is nothing compared to what I am going to recount.

Thank God for mothers and in this case, I was grateful that my mum was willing to fly almost 11,000km to Paris to be around when my first born, Laetitia, came into this world. My mum was taking care of my baby girl diaper change after a feed. There was a very small amount of poo on the diaper and as mum lifted Laetitia's legs to remove the soiled diaper, all of a sudden, yellow mustardy seedy poo gushed out forcefully and squirted towards mum and I! I was quick witted and managed to dodge but my mum was not so fortunate. She was in the direct path of attack. She had poo all over her hands and pants! EEK! There was also poo on the quilt cover, as we were changing the baby on the bed, and all over the floor. The whole scene was so disgusting and unimaginable that both my mum and I just stared at each other in disbelief before quickly getting our senses together and taking charge to clean up. I used some tissues and kitchen rolls to clean the floor while my mum cleaned herself and the baby. We decided to stop the change in case there was more coming and just keep a clean sheet of kitchen roll on my baby's butt. After a couple of minutes, we thought it was finally safe to complete the change and just as mum lifted my baby girl's legs again to remove the soiled items, there was another huge spray! AHHHHHH... This time, it went so far as to reach my mum's luggage which was more than a meter away from the bed! What a mess! Well, that's it, there was poo all over the place now. We finally managed to change Laetitia and clean up the entire place after waiting for another 10 minutes. This time, we took extra caution and finally were safe from the attack of the spraying poo! In fact in the end, I had the easier task as my mum cleaned the entire mess and I only had to change the diaper.

More recently during the birth of my baby boy, my mum who had been suffering from a very bad case of slipped disc was unable to come and provide me with some help. I was running solo this time. It was harder. I was suffering from a lack of sleep since Loïc was waking up every couple of hours for a feed and sometimes a change. That particular night was a normal night like the rest, tiring. I was going to change my baby with minimum effort required, on a towel laid over the bed so that I do not have to move to much. Drowsy and tired at 3am, I slowly proceeded to remove the diaper. As I was doing that, the boy let out a loud fart and I thought to myself that I should act fast in case he needed to poo. Well, just as I was lifting his legs to remove the diaper, he let out another loud fart that was followed with a jet of poo! I went S.H.I.T! Literally. There was s.h.i.t all over me and the bed. The towel I laid on the bed was insufficient to cover the damage area. I had poo on my hands, my legs, my feet, my pyjamas, the towel, my bed, EVERYWHERE. On top of that, I had a baby covered in poo too. The big question was, who or what should get cleaned up first? Well, I decided to make sure I am clean before dealing with the baby and then the rest. So, at three in the morning, I cleaned and changed myself, cleaned and changed the baby and cleaned and change the bed. Phew, I sure was wide awake by the end of it. By the time I was all done, it was close to four in the morning.

So, if you have only been sprayed by your baby boy's pee and you think that is bad, think again. Or at least, think of me and my babies' spew of poo. That said, I think any exposed butt, baby boy or girl, should be considered armed and dangerous. So consider yourself warned.