Wednesday, July 4, 2007

How will our lives change?

Or rather how will Laetitia's life change? How will my decision to go back to work affect the life of my little sweetheart? THAT is the big question that has been hanging over my head.

It's coming to two years since I stopped work. Of course in this time so many things have come to pass. We left Toronto and moved to Paris. More importantly, we had a baby! Now that Laetitia is 15 months old, it really is time for me to move on. I have always said that I will stay home for at least the first year and I have. At the same time, during this one and a half years, I realised that I might not be the material for being a full time stay at home mum. I need some form of adult interaction that DOES NOT revolves around babies/childcare etc. I also need the mental stimulation of work. In fact, I feed on it to give myself some form of personal satisfaction. I do not deny that seeing Laetitia grow up to be a joyful child is not providing me with pride but it is not the same. I LOVE my little girl with all my heart but I find I am not an effective mum if I have to be with her all day. Hence, the decision to go back to work.

Now, the BIG question is what type of work should I go for. Personally, after budgeting, family discussions with Etienne and what nots, we came to a conclusion that the pursue of a career developing job that requires me to work crazy hours is not an option. I do not want to spend all my time consumed by work and neglect the most important things/people in my life, my husband and my child. No money can substitute seeing my little girl grow up. No money can replace the closeness that can only be built through time spent together. And no, finances is not the focus of why I want to go back to work. I want to go back to work so that I can be happier, feel more fulfilled and therefore, be a better mummy and wife.

I must say that my job search seems to be going in the right direction. I have received calls (actually two) from headhunters for positions that I did not even apply for and at the same time I came across a position that I applied and interviewed for that could be the solution (fabulous vacation time offs and relatively flexible hours). Now, I just have to leave it in God's hands. I did what I had to do (the natural) and I am sure HE will do what he has to do (the supernatural). It is good, though, to know that I am marketable at the end of the day and people do find that I have an interesting profile. I know it should not, but it does make me feel valuable. :-) Yes, I know it sounds shallow, I should not be measuring my worth based on that.

As a final thought, I want to say no matter what the final job is that I take up, it is important to me that Laetitia continues to be able to spend lots of valuable time with me and that we will build on the closeness that we currently have.


Anonymous said...

You had answered your original question in your own post: It's all in God's hands, including how you going back to work will impact Laetitia. All you can do is continue trust in Him and pray.

Anonymous said...

What a difficult decision to be made. We'll be praying for you too.