Sunday, September 30, 2007

A letter to my 18 months old!

My most dearest darling,

OMG! You are 18 months old, one and a half year old. I am at a lost for words (momentarily). It is both a scary and wonderful feeling. It amazes me how much you have grown and at the same time, fills me with some uneasiness on how time just seems to be slipping by and before I know it, you'll be a teenager or an adult. From a helpless baby, you are now a babbling toddler who could
almost count 1-10 in English and French, go through your alphabets and express your views with "don't want", "No", "please Mummy" (usually said with a BIG smile) and have little conversations with me. You are also become a fabulous dancer and singer.

The last 18 months have been a roller coaster ride but with much more ups than downs. Aside from becoming a first time mummy, I also had to cope with being in a strange new place (not unlike you) and learning a new language (again I'm sure you are experienced in this too). At times I worry if I am a good enough mum or I question myself in reference to my "lack" of motherly instincts considering that I started leaving you in the daycare from the tender age of 6 months old. Did I put you through much trauma in letting you cry either in the arms of "strangers" while I walked away to enjoy my afternoons by myself or when I leave you in the cot to sleep? Was I being an alpha "kiasu" mum when I started showing you flash cards when you were less than a year old?

All these insecurities I have are eradicated when I see what a joyous and happy little girl you are. People are constantly telling me how you are always smiling and seems to be a delightful child. I am so proud of you, of your cheerful personality, of all your milestones and the simple fact that you are such fun to be with. I enjoy telling people how you would say "Bravo Mummy" when I finish singing you a song or finish saying the alphabets! I am smiling from ear to ear when people tell me just how adorable you are. I love it when you try to kiss me on the lips (though I am pretending to look disgusted and give you my cheeks instead) or when you refuse a kiss from me. I enjoy our current game where you would run into my open arms and I would lift you off the ground. As much as I complain about you going "Mummy's here" in the middle of the night when you are woken up from your sleep, I am secretly smiling to myself and feeling all important.

I enjoy the last 18 months we spent together at home and I am apprehensive that it is going to change. Though it does seems timely that I should start a new full time job on Monday I know for a fact that I want to strike a balance between working and spending time with you. I love the conversations (though somewhat limited right now) we have, the laughters that we share, the games we play, the books we read together, all the moments we spend with each other and as a family. I want to continue to build this wonderful relationship we have.

I want you to know that I love you very much and so does your papa. You are our little darling and always will be.

Love always,

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